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Fighting Depression One Day At A Time's Journal

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7th January 2010

potterfreak11:07pm: support site
Hey i have a support site you all can use, http://selfhelp.yuku.com it has forums on depression among a lot of other mental health issues.

IF you join please post in welcome so that I know.

31st December 2009

wtfcharlie1:32am: Hi, I'm new :)

I'm Charlie, I'm 14. I have suicidal depression, hereditary on both sides :L
Been on meds for 9 months, been considering suicide for longer,
Refused therapy several times, joined this community so i could be open as pretty much no-one knows how bad I am.

Anyway, hi :)
Current Mood: depressed

22nd March 2008

suckingforjesus4:00pm: Hello everyone. I'm new here. 

So I'm not really sure how this goes, do I tell you everything and wait or just what's bothering me at this moment. So I've decided to go with the whole story. Yes, just so that it's out there and everyone knows, alot of this has to do with a boy. Not all of it, but most.

Okay so last May I moved across country, from British Columbia to Ontario, and started up a life.  I got an apartment wth roomates I could ignore and a job that I was great at. Then in August I met the "boy".
It was amazing. I was happy and I made some great friends.
At this point, The "boy" and I were only seeing eachother. Nothing to fast or rushed and it felt right. 

I was told by so many people that I was just a piece of ass, and that he doesn't date girls, he just sleeps with them. And I knew it.
I never once thought to myself that we were going to be together or gave myself the hope, but it happened. 
Everyone was amazed. I didn't understand why he chose me, but he did. And I was in a place that I had never been before. I was happy. 
My life was one that I wanted. I was excited to wake up each day and do something. Everyday was a different experiance. 
We were so happy. I moved in and we became a family. The 5 of us. I felt like I belonged. 

Then we moved. All of us seperated and went on our way. The "boy" and I, and our other roomates. Then the fighting started with everyone. The "boy" and I broke up, and it was brutal. I left. I did the childish thing and I picked up and just left. I wanted nothing to do with any of them. The "boy" wanted to be friends, but at that point, I was to unhappy to want anything to do with him. 
I dropped all of my friends. I moved somewhere where they didn't know me or anything to do with the "boy". 

Then everyone broke up. And we were no longer a family. We hated eachother. Couldn't stand the sight of one another. Then I got a call from the one friend that I did keep in contact with. After a month of trying to get me to move back, I decided I should be okay with just a visit. 
I wasn't. The "boy" had began texting me, and my heart jumped each time.
As soon as I got into town, I felt like I was having a heart attack. I coudn't breathe.

Everyone kept asking me if I was okay with him coming around, and because I didn't want him to know he still got to me, I said it was fine. It wasn't. I should have taken the chance my friend had given me and said I wasn't alright with it. But I didn't.
So that night the "boy" came over. I couldn't look at him. My heart hurt each time he looked at me. I acted like I was great.
Then the days continued. He was over alot. He acted like it was the same as in the begining. When we just started seeing eachother.
He said things to me. Things like " He was scared I was going to get bored with him while we were dating" and "that other girls just didn't attract him anymore". He hugged me and cuddled and kissed me. And it broke my heart each time, and if felt so right.

A mutal friend, keep  telling me that there's something there, he has feelings for me, and he's told her things as well, and as much as I want to believe it I'm not letting myself. 

I knew it was to good to be true. As of this moment, that "boy" who can make my day or break me, is going out tonight to a bar, with the intentions of sleeping with a random girl. 
I know I can't let it bother me, at least, i can't let him see that it bothers me. 
 
kimnezumi7:15pm: Easy to say ...
I have tried hard in life but there is nothing I can do, watching movies or having a walk won't make me forget about depression ... I am sick of the "help" sites on the net and of the fact that all those pro-suicide are shut down ...

I think that asking someone to live a disgustingly painful life is selfish ...

I have to live with some people that make me think about suicide the first thing in the morning and the last when I finally manage to drop off to sleep ...

Honestly, I am tired ... I wish things weren't like this but they are, that is reality...

I used to be religious but, even now, I think about the meaning of it all ... And there is no meaning to the pain of living and the anger I have inside... If only I was suffering for a greater cause ... If by taking the suffering of all you depressive people in the world I would have to be an eternity living like this I would not mind it!

But my life is so pointless ...

And this pain is so pointless...

I know I would be making myself a favour by finishing it off

and I wouldn't be too far from reality if I said that those around me would appreciate it too.

Hugs to all and sorry for the depressing post ;))
Current Mood: angry

20th March 2008

saturncat4:09am: Hi Everyone, I post frequently in at my page re: depression, so check it out if you want...
Hi Everyone,

I've been a member for a long time but have never posted. (Actually I'm not all that sure how it works.) But, anyway, if anyone is interested, you can check out my depression-related posts at my site. Here is a link to my last depression-related entry. To see other depression-related entries, just click on my related tags. Please make comments at the bottom of each entry (not here). Feel free to 'Friend' me if you read a bit of my depression entries & check out my profile & feel we have a fair amount of interests in common. I am going to cross-post this to a couple of other depression groups. Thanks. Hope everyone is doing OK.

http://saturncat.livejournal.com/2008/03/07/
Current Mood: sore

31st July 2006

spunderella12:53am: Hi,
I'm 21 and I'm struggling with suicidal depression. I am in therapy and taking meds but I dont feel like it's helping me much. I am currently jobless and living with my parents, a state I have not been in since I was 18 (I've been working since I was 15 as well). Because of my recent move I do not have much of a social life.
I have had problems with depression since I was 16 that have included ED (recovered, but now I'm overweight) SI (still struggling) and substance abuse (still struggling). I have a lot of problems with my family (mainly verbal fighting and put downs) which are getting better but are still troublesome. My extended family has already suffered two suicides and one attempt so I know how important it is to fight these feelings.
I do have plans to go to my dream school in September (pending loans), so hopefully a lifestyle change will help. In the meantime, what can I do to cope with my negative moods and thinking patterns? Specifically, I need tools to fight negative thoughts like "I'm worthless" and overwhelming feelings of anxiety, sadness, etc. I know that some of the things people have recommended to me are increased exercise, positive affirmations, being more productive, healthy emotional release, and increased activity. What has worked for you? Does anyone have any good book recommends that can help me understand my disease and cope with it? Thanx everybody, I know how hard it can be to help someone else when you yourself are struggling. Peace.

(xposted)

28th July 2006

pie_12th1:11am: Hey...
Um, hey all. I'm new here, and since I'm on a really low low right now, I figured I'd try to make some friends who know what the hell it is that I'm going through.

I've started a higher dose of Paxil CR, 25mg a day, and I'm still getting used to the dosage. Changing dosages always makes me really moody, and this time I'm as suicidal as I've almost ever been. I've never attempted suicide although my doctor doesn't believe that. I used to take Tylenol as a way to calm down, because I had this mental addiction to it after a jaw surgery I had, and one day after school (I'm 17) I took 14 extra strength Tylenol. That was at the end of May, and i haven't had any since.

But tonight I found out about Ipecac and how THAT works, and since I've always been fond of the idea of overdosing, that sounds like a decent way to do it...

I don't know, I just really want someone who kind of understands and will aknowledge what I'm saying. I have a bunch of friends on my personal friends list, but they never reply to any of the posts I write.

24th June 2005

jaycorp7711:21pm: i am feeling really down. I have no where else to turn to . I have no friends and family that doesnt care about me. See this is a bad time for me. I broke up with this amazing girl back in september. It wasnt because I didnt love her , and it wasnt because of her , it was because they thought I had stomach cancer , and financially I was sinking. I always thought we would be meant to be, and have that chance well in march we started talking again , and are in different places. She just got out of another relationship and doesnt want a relationship right now. I keep making the mistake of telling her I love and I feel like she doesnt care about me . Well because she keeps rejecting me I am hurting and act like an ass by saying things like I think she doesnt think I am good enough , well she wont talk to me or see me, and well I have had enough and she keeps telling me i AM BEING MEAN TO HER , i KEEP THINKING ABOUT HER i GIVE TO HER AND THINK ABOUT HER AND SHE JUST PUSHES ME AND GIVES ME NOTHING, SHE SAYS i AM BEING AJERK , BECAUSE I DO NICE THINGS OR TELL HER I CARE , WELL THAT HURTS ENOUGH TO MAKE ME FEEL ABSOLUTELY WORTHLESS , AND WELL I WANT TO GIVE UP ON LIFE BECAUSE i LOVE HER SO MUCH. nOW SHE WONT SEE ME OR TALK TO ME AND i HATE EVERYTHING BECAUSE i MISS HER. i DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE.

19th April 2005

herringprincess3:31pm: X-posted to other Depression-related communities I'm a member of. Hope it's ok to post this here? Spread the word if there's anyone else you think might be interested.
cogtherapy 'Applying cognitive therapy to daily life' - anyone else practising cognitive therapy want to share their experiences?
dukkhapervades 'Buddhist Depressives' - any Buddhists or interested parties amongst you?

8th March 2005

xfrozenxsoulx9:14pm: I just did a Journey.


If you haven't done it, which I know you haven't yet, you wont understand how it feels.

I know most of you all feel like you have so much to worry about, so many things that you've never really healed, imagine getting rid of those. I only got rid of one reasonably insignificant memory, a memory that I can't even remember.. kinda. But I feel so much lighter!

I have such a silly grin on my face.


But then I think of all you guys and my heart ACTUALLY ACHES because I know you don't know what I'm talking about.



But yeah, I'll tell you what happened and face the (probable) shame that you guys will laugh at me.

The JourneyCollapse )


*smiles*

Im so, completely content right now.
Current Mood: content

6th March 2005

xfrozenxsoulx8:47pm:
Dance the night away by karchan85
Name
What you Look like
The MusicRock
Quiz created with MemeGen!
Current Mood: drunk

2nd March 2005

xboxingbabex4:03pm: Newbie Here
Hey all!I am a newcommer here.I have had many struggles in my life.Battling drugs and alcohol.Still battling cutting.My parents are divorced and the tiny family that I have is dying off on me.So I think it was a good spot for me to come in and get advice.Anything else you guys wanna know just comment!
Current Mood: cold

27th February 2005

xfrozenxsoulx3:25pm: Here's the site for The Journey if anyone's interested:
www.thejourney.com
Hard to remember? lol

If anyone wants to know, I'll be doing this Journey next Monday. Wish me luck.
Current Mood: nervous

22nd February 2005

xfrozenxsoulx6:00pm: Well, I actually have a post that isn't someone introducing themselves. Lol.

Recently my Father came home from a trip away and was telling us about this thing. It might sound a bit odd and crazy-like, but go along with me here.

He came back radiating happiness.

My Father has suffered from depression (not deep but still there) for just under 40 years (O__O) and he came home and was cured. I was a little skeptical at first but then he showed me the book that he got it all from and I started reading (he went to some seminar to do it but he learnt it in the book first). I don't fully understand it yet, and I wont pretend that I ever will, but its all about healing from the inside out. You go into your own soul and it takes you to places that memories are stored and you can fix them. I know this sounds crazy and all but I saw the results in my Father, he was different.

I can't explain everything but if you want to try it out, like I will, the book's called The Journey by Brandon Bays. Brandon found it out when she had a tumor in her uterus, one the size of a softball ball and she healed it within 6 weeks (which is the normal replenishing rate for that area).

I'll do some research on it and post some more. I'll also post once I've done it as well, I'll tell you if it actually works. But hey, you could just try it for fun, what've you got to loose?

~Leigh
Current Mood: contemplative

21st February 2005

jennifer___xo10:17am: I'm new!
Hey everyone, I'm new. My names Jennifer, I'm soon to be 17 in Erie, PA! I enjoy reading, animals, music, and romantic things :)

picturesCollapse )
Current Mood: awake

19th February 2005

andyca11:13pm: Hello, I just wanted to post some links that I think are very helpful in providing support:

http://www.samaritans.org/
Provides confidential support through email

http://www.whoisjo.org
More on the email service

http://www.befrienders.org
Suicide and Crisis Support around the world

Samaritans are non-religious. Their name is a historical accident. A news reporter happened to call the volunteers good samaritans, and the name stuck. Their job is to listen and be there with you through whatever you're going through. They don't give advice or tell you what to do. That can be a relief if ever you're feeling bombarded by advice when all you want is someone to hear what you have to say.
Their email is: jo@samaritans.org

27th January 2005

sour_xapple10:07pm: Hi my name is Whitney, I'm 18 years old and I have been dealing with depression for the majority of my life, 13 years to be exact. I haven't seeked any help until recently when things started to get worse, but I just wanted to get some moral support here and talk to others who have the same problem as well.

27th December 2004

ktbabe37249:38pm: Advice... Anything, really...
Honestly, I'm just looking for someone, anyone, who can give me some advice on any of this or even just a tidbit of information on anything... That would be excellent.

Here's a small background on me before I ask the questions:

I'm an 18 year old senior girl who lives in a town in Washington and go to a school where my graduating class will be 31 kids. I have to decide between going to the University of Washington (with my boyfriend of over 2 years and oh so close to my entire family). I started going through a very tough down with my depression and then I was placed on citalopram without my consent... without even realizing it could have an effect, I stopped sleeping through the night (which is depressing and scary because that was my life for 2 years). Then my life started to feel like it was getting worse. Which it shouldn't be as I am noted as one of the top students in the US with an $8000 a year scholarship to UA. My life should be looking up but I am crying everyday and can't seem to get out of bed without my mother yelling at me. My attention span has completely deteriorated and my will to actually do things is gone. Not to mention stupid sexual side effects. Finally I got to a doctor and have been back on Celexa for two weeks now, but my mental situation is awful... For proof of this simply read my private livejournal. Hopefully I have set that up where all Celexa_Users can read it. Anycrap-- Here are a few questions:

1) Has anyone had any experiences with the new generic brand of Celexa that I believe is called Citalopram or something like that?
2) Does anyone have any information on the University of Washington versus the University of Arizona?
3) Does anyone know any good books or websites about overcoming depression?
4) Does anyone live in SW Washington or NW Oregon and have a counselor or other like person that they see and have had success with?
5) Has anyone actually had a success story with taking Celexa?

Anything anyone else would want to add is extremely appreciated. And I'm sorry for such a long post. I am a bit long-winded... again, see my private live journal.
Current Mood: scared

13th November 2004

mariposa_besos4:54pm: =) Hi. I'm new.
Hey, I'm new.
I wanted to find a place for some type of support. I've been dealing with depression for over 8 years and I just started getting REAL help for my condition. I've dealt with numerous judgemental people, others have left because they couldn't deal with me, and I just need somewhere to go to find others who are a little more understanding than those I have already encountered. I won't go much into what I've been through. Like I've said, I'm getting help for it and right now they are stressing medication. I am a little scared. I've been on it once, but no one was accepting of it or supportive. Right now, I'm in the process of telling my family that I have to go back on it. That's my goal for the next couple of weeks. Does anyone have any suggestions of how I can go about this?
Besides that, I just wanted to say, Hello.

10th October 2004

ko_ca_in2:03am: I glad to find here...
Hello all people in here...glad to see you...really !!! I'm 25 a guy, university student..living in Korea..and the oldest in my siblings.
never had a girfriend in my whole life....that's true...!!! and ....

I've been searching these kinda communities for a week I guess since I got this terrible depression stemed from this stupid self-ego...
Depression~!! I didn't even know what that word for me a couple months ago..But then I realized that I was on the wrong line alone. one day I found that I was just reached and followed by the people who nothing connected with me...
The point is I think I can't live with the people...even with the friends and I can't find anything happiness in there.
and I have thought probably i was wrong to think like that. Why ?? Humanbeings are genectically very social creatures.
We've learned that a long ago and this world we're living shows that..!!!!

But I just want to reach out somewhere where nothing's connected me and no one's even knows who I am...I just get rid of everything right now I have....

My friends can't even notice what kinda situation I am in and other little known people just laughing at my acts ...
Yeah I did't tell them...of course...!!!

For couple days I have been listening to this warm-heart song all the time...for blocking the sound comeing from enemies..
I don't wanna hear that so I have kept listening this music all the time, only one song....!!!
I never know when it gets the end...
Current Mood: annoyed

27th July 2004

wingedfantasy9:36pm: Quickie Intro.
Hey,

This is just a quick Introduction. I'm 23, Name's Jennifer and I have been diagnosed w/ depression. But I think we're still working on what type. Heh. Been this way since I was about 14. I think about suicide but I have never attempted it, mostly due to fear of pain or not doing it right and then being alive still. Sad isn't it?

I have a loving but annoying and sometimes overly caring boyfriend of 8 years.

Other things that happened recently: Parents divorced, Got approved to a temporary inclusion in Teacher education program at my school and I am constantly biting my Bf's head off because i am so bored and depressed.

Write more later.
Current Mood: bored, depressed and more!

15th June 2004

xfrozenxsoulx9:13pm: Is it just me, or is this comm kinda, dead? I mean, this could've been great...

Well, Im still tryin to keep it alive. So I'll post sumin:

In the last few months my life's been, as Alaniee has said, like a rollercoaster. Ive moved house, moved town, changed schools, withdrawn more, started cutting again, ask out the person Ive been in love with since like forever (and she said yes!! ^____^;;), spent most of my parents money going to and from here (which I have now named 'Hell') and home (my old house) and now I hafta go out and grow up...

*pouts* I dont wanna grow up.. I wanna stay five, I wanna be immature... *sighs and plots more ways to kill parents and collect their insurance money*

Okay, there's my life right now in general, now its your turn and we'll get this thing up and going again.

Bye for now
~Leigh
Current Mood: blah

20th March 2004

ladyshiin7:17pm: This is Me
Hello everyone. I've just joined and I guess I should tell you a bit about myself.

My name is Jessie and I'm 15. I've had Depression for at least the past year and a half - probably more toward two years, but have only been diagnosed for about six months.

My family doesn't really seem to get it - mom was in denial about me being depressed thus the length of time that it took to for me to get diagnosed. To say my stepdad and I have a bad relationship is and understatement. We can barely stand to be in the same room with one another for more than five minutes before we're at each other's throats. I hate him and am practically counting down the days until I am out of the house and in college.

My favorite things are anime and manga (Japanese animation and comics). And my favorite singers are Gackt, Hyde, Ayumi Hamasaki, BoA, Hikaru Utada, Rammstein, Heather Nova and Sarah Mclaughlan.

I have a yorkie-poo puppy (half mini-poodle half yorkshire terrier) named Brownie and a 6 year old quarter horse gelding named A Smokin' Machine a.k.a Smokey.

- Well that's me I guess.

~Jessie
Current Mood: depressed
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